My wife went to a speed networking event last week. This is where you get 60 seconds to tell a stranger what you and your business do in the hope that you’ll forge some form of lasting business relationship. Your partner reciprocates before the bell goes and you swap partners.

It’s hard to make a big impact in 60 seconds, especially when you’re competing with 20 other people doing the same to the person you’ve just tried to impress.

She wasn’t entirely convinced by the process. So when she returned to work this week, she decided, quite logically, to write a brief e-mail to each person she’d met as a follow up.

One of the responses she received was, quite literally, the best way you could ever hope to make a negative impact on somebody.

The person replied along the following lines:

"Let’s not waste each other’s time, I work for a law firm employing 150 people and we would never have cause to use the services of a company like yours.

However, if you or your customers ever need legal advice, please bear us in mind."

In my wife’s position, even if one of your customers did happen to ask if she knew of any good solicitors, do you think she would recommend her new speed-networking friend?

No, me neither.

You see the process of reciprocation has been broken because the solicitor put her in an inappropriate emotional state before asking for something. He put her in a state of feeling of inadequate value to him and then asked for something in return.

Even if he had no intention of ever using her services, the following approach would have engendered a completely different and more useful emotional state:

"It was really good to meet you at the speed-networking event. It was a little frantic and it’s a shame we didn’t get more time to talk. I’m not sure we need what you’re offering right now but if any of our customers do, I’ll pass your details on.

By the way, if you or your customers ever need a good solicitor, you know where I am."

The difference is entirely down to the emotional state you put somebody into with your words. Using this response, they are in a state of feeling important and liked. The warm feeling this brings is much more likely to make somebody reciprocate.

When we help people have a bigger impact, one of the first things we focus on is helping them design the emotional state they want from the people they interact with.

I know of around 80 different emotional states that you could get somebody into, either by accident or by design. If you want to make an impact, it’s pretty important knowing what they are and when you’re getting others into them.

If you notice, you’re in an emotional state right now. I don’t know for sure what it is, but I can think of 6 from my list that it might be.

If you feel like it, let me know which one it is in the comments box below.